OK, I need to get something off my chest that's been bugging me for the past few days. Well, I take that back, its kinda always bothered me since I first started hearing it, but for some reason I do not know why, it's really gotten to me this past week.

Anyone that knows me, whether it's in the real world or online, knows that I'm always a pretty happy kid that would do anything for anyone if they asked. I try to never hold a grudge (doesn't always work mind you) and I try to never let anything people say drag me down. But even I have my limits.

"That is SO gay!"

Here's a question, when did "gay" become associated with being stupid? Usually when I hear people saying or using it, they don't even realize they are doing it. My friends never use it, and most of the friends I have online don't use it. But they are in the minority.

You know what IS "gay" are the people who use it in such a manner. Since most homosexuals are in the closet, people don't think about how many there are. So when they use "gay" in that manner, that just gives them all the more reason to hide who they really are. God, I didn't ask, nor want this for myself, it just happened. It's how it is, it's how I am and I have to deal with it as best I can. I can't just give up on it and start going out with females anymore than a straight person could give up on the opposite sex and start going with the same sex.

People hardly ever put themselves in our shoes, so they don't have the first clue what it's like. But they are all to happy to cut us down, berate and insult us, so hey why not make gay another word for stupid.

Yeah... we are the stupid ones.

"You are SUCH a straight!"

Perhaps associating "straight" with "idiot" is in order? Think that would ever catch on? As I said, I try to never let anything get to me, and I REALLY hate doing whiny ass emo journals like these, but goddammit, enough is enough. When you hear stuff like that day after day after day, it's not going to make it any easier, it just wears me down.

If it was JUST the word itself, I wouldn't be so pissed. But it's all the other shit people throw at us that makes it more upsetting than it should be. Gays get shit on in America more than any other group, except for maybe atheists (which hey, I'm one of those too!).

In my old school I had some guy, much larger than myself, harassing me. He shoved me against my locker, called me a fucking fairy (something along those lines), he'd stare at me with this look of pure hatred, and generally scared the hell out of me. If he actually attacked me, I'd be fucked because I'm not large and I can't fight. Fortunately I ended up leaving that school because mom was transfered and we had to relocate to another state.

Still, people are murdered for being gay. You have any idea how that can effect a person? Constantly having to live in fear for your own life because of something you have no control over... it's scary as hell.

So, next time you hear someone say it, or find yourself saying it, think about who might be around you. You never know, could be your best friend, your sister, your brother, or your own kids that haven't come out to you.

Don't be a straight.